My Kerosene Lantern

The battle of an Angel.
Another one.
But this battle.
It isnt against my opposser's
Its against myself.
Its a battle of ying and yang.
Black and white.
Night and Day.
I havent tried running from it.
For I know its pointless.
It will come to catch up to me.
It will chase me down.
Hunt me.
Until it finds me.
So I face it.
I face it head on.
But it confuses me.
And starts a war inside of me.
A war that I cant seem to win.
And Im battling myself!
I think I finally have it figured out.
I know who you are.
I know what you're about.
I know what kind of person you really are
I know how you work.
I know how you function.
I know what you're truly after.

And I despise you

But as the fire disappears.
I realize the battle is not over.
For I begin to battle again.
I am still aware,
of what kind of person you are.
What you really want.
Who you really are
But I feel this longing to be near you.
I have this longing to help you on your way.
Stop you from stumbling.
Make sure you dont go down the wrong path.
.. again.
I want to stop you from making your same mistakes.
Save you from that pain again.
Same others from the pain you inflicted upon them.
But I cant do that!
For I know who you truly are!
And I battle violently with myself.
Such a helpless cause.


I try to hold onto the feeling as the embers glow.
Instead of just when the fire burns bright.
But I start to hate myself!
And I begin to hate you!
I hate myself for wanting to hold onto that feeling.
But I want to despise you.
It would end the battle!
It would save me!

How selfish I am

The one thing,
that fuels my demise.
I love it,
for giving me that fuel.
And I hate it,
for giving me that fuel.
But it works.
All I have to do is go to it.
And I hate you.
I hate you to the core.
All my passion goes into my anger.
And I like it.

.. Yet I hate it.
And this thing.
I think I would destroy it - Were it not my life
I would crush in the palm of my hand - Were it not what keeps me living
I would absolutely obliterate it! - Were it not what I cannot survive without

But its the same thing over and over again.
As the embers burn.
I go to this thing.
I go to it to hate you.
I go to it to fuel my anger.
So I can sustain that feeling.
I go to it,
because I yearn to.
It happens so quickly.
I begin to hate you within seconds.
The words just jump out at me.
And my passion burns.
It burns so intensely you'd think the fire was lit.
But its still only the embers glowing.
I try to get rid of my passion.
Get it all out.
I try.
I try as hard as I can.
It never works!

But before long, the fire is rekindled.
And I dont have to fight for that feeling.
It comes on its own.
Its easier,
with the fire burning.

This battle is so filled with lies.
But the lies make me smile
The lies that keep the embers glowing.

If only you could see me as the embers glow.
But you never will.

For you fuel the fire