A Tree At 2 AM

Have you ever listened to a song so much, that you begin to lose track of where it ends? and where it begins?
You know, you just put it on repeat on your Ipod, or stereo, or computer, or MP3 player, and eventually, it just becomes .. immortal, I suppose. It just never ends, its this continuous train of the same notes, the same lyrics, at the exact same pitch in the exact same pattern.

I've done it :)

It wasnt even a song that had any particular history to me. It wasnt even a song that I knew every lyric to. It really hadnt even been on my Ipod for that long. But, it played at the right time, and gave me the right inspiration. So I kept pressing the back button on my Ipod so it played over and over again.

Around the fourth time through I remembered you can put your Ipod on repeat ;)
[Gimme a break, it was late, and I was tired - and blonde as always (A) *accepts Kit-Kat*]

So that song continued playing, it played through my whole night.
I had originally just planned to fall asleep to it, let it play through the night, maybe seep into my dreams.
But I dont dream much, just who I am.
Dont get me wrong, Im not complaining, not dreaming spares you from a lot of things. I am saved from the nightmares that haunt you 'till you wake in a cold sweat. I am saved from the dreams that confuse you and 'cause you to think about them for days. I am saved from those dreams that are so vivid and real while you dream them, but once you wake you can just barely remember it, and it annoys you to the core. I am also saved from those dreams, that you'd swear were real! You'd stake your life upon it! I guess in a way Im saved from a death wish .. heh'.

Not to say that I havent had one of all of those.
I've had a few nightmares - but not anywhere near close to the numbers most humans get. [And not nearly so terrifying]
I've had a few of those thinker dreams - they usually dont confuse me as much as you'd expect them to.
I've had a few of those dreams that I can barely remember - those, do annoy me to the core, probably just as much as you.
And I've had many of those dreams that you'd swear were real - In the dream , I even told myself it was a dream, tried to convince myself it was just a dream, but when I didnt wake, I believed it was real.

And then I woke.

So, I am throughly spared, having my mind work the way it does.
My subconscious appears to come out in different forms.

My music,
. My writing,
.. My drawings.

There's one piece in particular I've written, that I still dont understand.
Im sure I will someday - maybe.
But it just came out, instead of my brain telling me what to type, my subconscious did.
Its odd really - Realization.

Another thing about not dreaming, is morning comes much faster - sometimes I wonder if thats a good thing. I am temporarily thrown into a pit of darkness -I like the dark :), only to be immediately released by my alarm clock, or myself.

Anyways, my brain has appeared to have wandered from my original point.
A song, repeated with no ending.
So, as I was saying, I just planned to fall asleep to this song, but I lay in my bed for a while - only a few minutes this time. And that song suddenly caused inspiration. So I drew it , and the drawing grew, it became something totally different than what I expected - but still with the same core meaning.

Protection.

That song brought out a side of me that only comes out at night - when you're gone. When I live - for you see, I live, for the night. But thats a side of me that no one sees - except Emily since she lives here practically. [Even then, usually this self is expressed in notes, as it partially is now]

*sigh*
Again I have wandered.
Please excuse this, my brain is like those brain maps we have to make in school. It just expands to different points. The core, in this note, is the repeated song.

So, that song repeated over and over, echoed in my head as I drew the inspiration to the page, wrote the words that got deleted from the screen - better left in my head anyways. It continued on as I became bored and had a 2 hour war with Kimmy, edited my memories, poked away, and lost said war.

It traveled with me as I wandered my house, stared out my window, and eventually succumbed to sleep.

I still dont know the meaning.
"Only the artist.."

Well, I dont think my brain has any more webs left to go to that aren't blocked off for reasons known only to me - and more than likely Emily.

So I shall bid you a due, and once again give you kudos if you read this :)

Mercy